i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I looked at my own cervix.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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