Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
