She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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