What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
