and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
