i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
