Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
