I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
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It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize