Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
