i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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