Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
