Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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