glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
