my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
