I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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