worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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