Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
