I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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