i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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