they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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