No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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