i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
