Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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