somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
