i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
