I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
