worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
