Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
