She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
