Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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