the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You ate ashes out of my bong
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
