in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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