____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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