I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
