at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
