She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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