in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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