my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
