remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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