saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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