So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
