Its about making memories worth repressing
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
