and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
