she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
