Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So vagazzling was a success
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
