just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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