I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
