Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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