he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
