We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
