Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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