I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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