My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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