I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
