i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
