maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
