Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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