Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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