There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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