They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
