I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize