So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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