i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
