you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
