Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Two words: blizzard sex
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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