So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
