Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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