wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
