You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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