So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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