This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
