I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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