How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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