My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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